Anonymous asked: Hi there! Thank you for putting up tumfs' work! Could you re-upload the link for "tmf: on Quinn & stripping", please?
Well, you are welcome! I sure can fix that link! For some reason the link under the Works section stopped working, but the document was always in the Dropbox. Weird. Anyway, I fixed the page, so you can access it from that link, straight from the Dropbox, or here. Enjoy!
My name is Lex and I’m an alcoholic.
My low point was considerably higher than most others. I drunk dialed Australia and left a rambling drunken message on the answerphone of my then-girlfriend/common law wife that cost me both money and my decade long relationship. I had beer, lots of beer, and approximately twelve shots of insanely good and expensive whiskey during a whiskey tasting tour. She dropped me via email after we made up and were together for another six months. I’m currently remarried to a woman who completes me in ways that I do not have adequate verbiage to convey, who has helped me through many things I do not have the space to discuss here.
The only reason I’ve not done anything harder than alcohol is because the cost over investment for them is negative, for me. I, essentially, get nothing from them. I currently have a PRN (as needed) prescription for Xanax for completely unrelated and pre-existing PTSD that has been suggested to have been the reason I began drinking (which I would believe had I not begun drinking years prior to the traumatic event.). In the last month, I’ve taken one and a half pills of Xanax - I cut them in half to allow myself a more measured dose on recommendation from my doctor. I know well the emptiness and soothing nature that can come from it, the protective cloud that envelops me and makes the world just a little more okay. I know well the crushing inability to function that comes with anxiety and related disorders. I’ve had Human Resources called on me because my workplace felt I was at risk for opening fire on coworkers when I was having a bad day and just wanted to hide from the world and did not know how to verbalize that desire. I now know to use isolation and medication to curb those meltdowns - I’ve never been a risk for harming others. The paperwork after a massacre is far to cumbersome.
I love beer. I love the taste of beer, I love the warming sensation beer gives me, I adore the way that two beers from the same brewery can have completely different taste profiles. I now, after years of staring at myself in bared honesty and far too many frank discussions about why I felt the need to drink, I am now able to have a beer, or two, or five - decades of drinking have given me a strange tolerance - and decide that no, I am done and would like to go home and have some water, and watch an episode of a good TV show. I used to do some rather more destructive things. I am currently in a good enough place, in a healthy enough place, that I am seriously considering becoming a beer competition judge; akin to a Unix suspendered greybeard, but for beer. The craft beer market can certainly use more, as it can use more cicerones.
I’m approximately halfway through “these strange steps”, which I located due to a weakness for D/s fic, and for Faberry. The scenes, the emotions, both of the D/s so far, and the addiction…there are not words. I have had tears streaming down my face from the commiseration and flashback, and it’s not bad. I’m able to deal with these emotions and read this story and I’m okay.
To say this is a big step would be underselling it. It was a big step when I was able to say “no, I’m going to stay in tonight.” the first time a drinking buddy asked me to DD again. It was a big step when I was able to look at an almost empty bottle and have the unbidden thought that I didn’t have to finish it. I could go to bed, and leave it for another day. It was an amazing day when I went to work and I wasn’t hung over.
What I am experiencing reading “these strange steps” is nothing like that.
It is catharsis.
I look forward to finding out how Rachel is able to deal with herself when sober and clean, and how she is able to find her way to Quinn again.
Thank you. As an addict. As someone dealing with a lifelong crippling mental disorder. As someone who has had to hide. Something you wrote reached out and touched me in ways illegal in many parts of the world.
Awww, well this is certainly nice! Thank you!
Music From “I’ve Been Trying to Reach You”
Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Maps
Marvin Gaye - Ain’t No Mountain High Enough
Adele - Rolling in the Deep
Etta James - At Last
Jonathan Groff and Lea Michele - Hello
Pretty Girls Make Graves - The Get Away
The Get Up Kids - Shorty
Fiona Apple - Oh Well
Sleater-Kinney - One Beat
The Kills - No Wow (MSTRKRFT remix)
Sonic Youth - Chapel Hill
Fall Out Boy - Tiffany Blews
Hard-Fi - Hard To Beat
The Get Up Kids - Forgive and Forget (Red Letter Day EP version)
Rooney - When Did Your Heart Go Missing?
Glee Cast - Somebody To Love (Bieber)
Jay-Z - My 1st Song
Thrice - Silhouette
Sunny Day Real Estate - Every Shining Time You Arrive
Metric - I.O.U.
Stars - Your Ex-Lover Is Dead
Paramore - Miracle Outro (2010 Live Version)
The Sounds - Tony the Beat
Metric - Glass Ceiling
The Joy Formidable - Austere
Fall Out Boy - w.a.m.s
Nada Surf - Blankest Year
Joy Zipper - 1
Foo Fighters - I’ll Stick Around
Matthew Good Band - Running For Home
Nine Inch Nails - Eraser
Panic! at the Disco - There’s a Good Reason These Tables are Numbered, Honey, You Just Haven’t Figured It Out Yet
Paramore - Pressure
Metric - Collect Call
Jeff Buckley - Lover, You Should Have Come Over
The Ataris - I.O.U. One Galaxy
Girls Aloud - Teenage Dirtbag (Wheatus cover)
Kelly Clarkson - Since U Been Gone
Dashboard Confessional - A Plain Morning
Sleater-Kinney - Oh!
The Get Up Kids - Valentine
Keane - With or Without You
Ellie Goulding - Your Song
Sara Bareilles - Gravity
Interpol - Evil
Cassette Kids - Spin
Phoenix - 1901
The Wombats - Kill the Director
Cold War Kids - Mine is Yours
The Cab - I’ll Run
Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Maps (acoustic/strings version)
Queens of the Stone Age - Go With the Flow
The Cab - Can You Keep a Secret?
REM - Shiny Happy People
Katy Perry - Firework
Weezer and Hayley Williams - Rainbow Connection
The Cab - Another Me
Fall Out Boy - Of All the Gin Joints in All the World
Paramore - All I Wanted
The Killers - Jenny Was a Friend of Mine
Death Cab For Cutie - You Are a Tourist
Letters to Cleo - Fast Way
Sunny Day Real Estate - Disappear
Rilo Kiley - Pictures of Success
Muse - Starlight
Bloc Party - This Modern Love
dizzleceezy asked: Hi, so I'm just finishing up IBTTRY, and saw in the notes there's a link to all the music from the story. However, the link doesn't work anymore. Is there somewhere I could get a list (and perhaps even links) of all the songs mentioned? Thanks! :)
I did have a list at one point, but I am currently in the process of switching/upgrading computers, so it could be on one of my back up harddrives right now. I will look though. Also, I will look into finding links. In the meantime, if anybody else has a copy of the song list, please feel free to submit it. :)
Anonymous asked: Hi, is there a finished version of The Mating Game?
madnessinthemusic asked: I remember one time I found a dropbox link with the small part of ATJ that tmf did finish, though I couldn't give you it. I had it bookmarked before my computer crashed.
Well, there very well could be more of ATJ, but, if I remember correctly, I think that may only be about to eight complete chapters at most.
But you know, new links to TMF stuff pop up all the time, so maybe that dropbox will turn up again.
Also, I am very sorry that your computer crashed! :(
Anonymous asked: Hi, is there a full link to a thousand julys? Or is it just 5 chapters? :(
It’s only five chapters, and I don’t even think I have chapter 4. :(
The only thing I could offer you is the story outline here.
Anonymous asked: Thanks for answering. Inhibitions anon here. I had high hopes for that, being a fan of YA lit but not of the usual het romances. I was hoping that even if she left fandom, she'd continue on that. Though, as much as I did like it when I first read it, I think she could have gotten rid of much of the first pages of solid exposition by just starting the story earlier and explaining things as her character met them.
I think what we got as “Chapter 1” is probably the roughest of rough drafts. When she posted original stuff on her blog, it was more to test the waters than anything. If Inhibitions is being continued and/or possibly published, chances are the first chapter is drastically different.
chiltongirlsdoitbetter asked: Personally, I will forever mourn the fact that we never got to see tmf tackle HG/Myka. She writes tortured female protagonists with a bit of an evil streak better than any other writer I've ever seen. I also mourn the fact that even if she does eventually get published, it will probably be in Australia and so I will never know of its existence.
I dunno, I think that if TMF gets published, it will find it’s way around. We just won’t know that it’s her right away. :)